I’m good at taking care of business. You can apply a number of adjectives to my life-managing mind-set: practical, thinker, planner, efficient — sometimes to an obsessive extent. Whether it’s paying bills, scheduling medical check-ups, choosing healthy foods to eat, or deciding on a car to purchase, I am pretty-leveled and adept. Though I do know I haven’t come this far without God’s help. He has certainly given me some great tools to make the right choices. So when it comes to having a mate I can easily say, I am so good on that front. Honestly, I’ve been doing just fine so far.
It’s becoming so much clearer in my life that where I am is sufficient, not defective or broken and there are still so many areas in my life that are yet to be expressed. In my twenties, I didn’t quite know that I was on the cusp of adulthood with still so much to grow through and mature in. I came through some rough times in my youth that are a little atypical for someone of my age, but there was still a little bit of “puppy” in me. I dreamt of the typical desires of a young woman — spouse, house, and babies. And when I was called to step up and take care of my mother in a greater capacity in my late twenties, I surrendered to God’s plan. I was fiercely protective of my mom and became a stronger advocate as her physical, mental and emotional strength waned. Of course there were times that I wondered when my independent life would begin and at times did my best impression of Jacob wrestling with God. But those experiences, though deeply painful at times built up in me a stronger core. Places that were weak became stronger and produced the character and nature of my Father.
And if I’d been married earlier in my life, I don’t think I would have known the depth of the gifts placed in me. My life is fuller and richer than it has ever been before. I’ve had a chance to see myself as an individual and not defined by a title of wife and mother. But I won’t say that I am so self-sufficient that I don’t want to be married at some point in my life. I remember hearing a woman at my church say that she didn’t need a man and all she needed was Jesus. But less than two years later, she was married. You will never hear me say, “I don’t want a relationship.” That’s a lie and it goes against the way men and women were created. We are meant to connect with each other in meaningful ways that lead to relationships and marriage. Denying those very feelings and urges deny what’s been deposited within our very own physical makeup. I can put windshield washer fluid in my car, balance a checkbook, put together a bookshelf by myself, but the intangibles of a committed relationship are more than having a Mr. Fix It or a lover. The chemistry between a man and woman goes beyond the physical and though it can be a complicated space to navigate, the rewards are truly worth it in the end. Right now I am excited for the present. It’s an invigorating place with new professional and personal opportunities. I am still a work in progress just like anyone else, but I am healthy and whole enough to say that where I am is good and I look forward to what is already prepared for me. Let’s not shortchange ourselves by attempting to ignore the very nature God has given us, but go on to see what God has prepared for us while enjoying the journey along the way.